Supporting grieving employees and colleagues during the holidays

Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn are the co-founders of Good Mourning, the leading grief support podcast, book, and community.

For so many grieving people, the holidays can bring added challenges. Grief doesn't go away during working hours—it's always with us. Some days can be more complicated than others; in particular, big milestones—like Thanksgiving and Christmas —can bring back memories of the person no longer here. As grief experts, we know what can be most helpful if you're a manager or coworker supporting someone through a loss. Here are a few practical, compassionate ways to help them feel understood and supported.

Be Considerate Around the Holiday Season

Let's start with the most important thing you can do to support a team member coping with grief. Remember that holidays can be especially tough for those grieving. They may feel pressured to participate in festivities but struggle to feel celebratory. If you are organizing a team party, checking in and asking them if they'd like to be involved can be helpful. Some people thrive in big group environments, while others might find doing something small more manageable. Respect their boundaries if they prefer to keep things low-key, and don't take it personally if they're not feeling social. Let them know you understand.

Encourage Small Breaks to Avoid Overwhelm

Grief brain is a real issue for many. The emotional stress of a loss can impact cognitive function, making memory recall and concentration harder, which in turn can feel like an extra layer of stress for the person coping with grief. The lead-up to Christmas can often be a busy time for many businesses, which may be overwhelming for some. Encourage your coworker or employee to break their day into small, manageable tasks and to take short breaks throughout the day to recharge. If they are open to it, you might suggest helping them find a "proof pal" in the workplace – someone who can be a second set of eyes to double-check important tasks or offer feedback. This can help them feel supported and prevent potential errors.

Understand Grief's Long-Term Effects

Grief doesn't simply go away after a set period—it's integrated into life as time passes. However, it can resurface even years after a loss. Some months (or years) can feel more challenging than others, and the holiday season can be a big trigger for many. It's a time of year with memories and an underlying pressure to be celebratory. This can add to feelings of grief and isolation, so be kind, patient, and understanding with those you are supporting.

Avoid Trying to "Fix" Their Pain

Grief can often feel isolating, so offering a compassionate ear without judgment can be powerful. Resist the urge to offer solutions or suggestions for how they should spend the holidays. Instead, simply be present and available. Listen to them without judgment, let them express their feelings, and avoid statements or phrases telling them how they" should" feel. Grief is so intensely personal, and everyone experiences it differently. Sometimes, just being there can mean the world.

Don't Be Afraid to Talk About Their Loved One

One common misconception is that grieving people don't want to talk about the person who died. In reality, it can be comforting for them to share memories—especially at this time of year. Ask gentle questions or offer your own memory of the person who died. This lets them know that their legacy matters.

Replace "How Are You?" with "How Are You Today?"

Asking "How are you?" can feel loaded for someone grieving, especially if they are struggling with the idea of facing the holidays without their loved one around. Adding ' today ' is an excellent way to reframe the often-asked question. Asking, "How are you today?" is a small change, but it can have a significant impact because it signals that you genuinely care about how they feel and are ready to listen if they're comfortable opening up.

Support Those Experiencing Anticipatory Grief

It's also important to remember that some employees may be grieving the expected loss of a loved one, known as anticipatory grief. Those caring for a loved one with a terminal illness or cognitive decline may experience this unique form of grief. Recognize that they may be a carer outside of work, which is often emotionally and physically exhausting. They may need some rest, so if possible, simple gestures like covering a shift, cooking them a few meals, or offering to lighten their workload in some way can be a huge help.

By showing empathy and understanding, managers and coworkers can create a compassionate work environment where grieving employees feel seen, valued, and supported, especially during the holiday season. Educate your team on grief, and share your knowledge about how they can show up for teammates experiencing loss. Doing this will help encourage a workplace culture where talking about loss and supporting one another is okay. Grief is a universal human experience and not something we move on from—with the proper support, employees can find the strength to manage their loss alongside their work.